Before Packing Up; After Setting Out

Before:

It's hard to believe that in less than 48 hours I will be walking down a breezeway, boarding a plane, and finding myself on the 28 hour trip that will land me in Mysore, India. There will be DC traffic and airport security, cramped seats and likely crying babies. There will be a layover in Paris, a perilous midnight car ride and a process of re-introduction. More importantly, though, there will be goodbyes and “see-you-soon”s and more than likely a few nervous tears as I let go of my life here – setting it on a shelf for the next three months.

This adventure isn't easy, and sometimes it's downright awful, but after my experience in Mysore last year, I feel like returning isn't even a choice – beyond my control or desires, this is a trip I HAVE to make.

Year in and year out Ashtangis from all over the world converge on tiny Gokulam, the Mysore suburb the Jois family calls home. We come looking for something bigger and stronger and beyond ourselves. We come to learn from the source, to find connection to tradition and lineage. We come as singles and pairs, families and friends; we come anxious and comfortable, worried and elated. But no matter how we arrive, we leave changed, and it is for that reason that so many of us will make the journey 3, 8, or 12 times over. For us, the progress and evolution that is made, the internal and external work accomplished, is compelling enough for us, and those who care for and about us, to warrant the sacrifices required to leave homes, jobs and families for weeks or months at a time. And this is what I try to remember as I dig through my belongings, finding all I think I'll need for the next three months and pack it into my suitcase while my depressed pooch looks on. I pack up the necessities of my life, including bits and pieces that remind me of all the people, places and things that I love, but am leaving behind.

While I know I'm better prepared mentally for this trip, there is still some trepidation. And as the day that seemed so far off for so long suddenly stands up huge and looming in front of me, my very nonchalant attitude is quickly turning to panic.

I JUST NEED TO BREATHE!!!

Which is precisely what I'm going halfway around the world to do. And what I need to remember is that when I get back to this life, pull it down off of its shelf and dust it off I will find new beauty in it. I'll discover things that I've been overlooking, and see it with fresh perspective, because it will be different. Because I will be different. And that change can be a spark from which to ignite the world.

After:

It's been less than 12 hours since I hauled by crazy heavy suitcase from the car and into my serene Anokhi Garden room, and already I'm feeling at home. It's hot and noisy and everything here is just as I remember: the cows in the street, the cacophony of honking horns, the chatting around the coconut stand. I can already feel the change in my level of comfort on this trip. The way I'm adapting back, continuing right where I left off last year at this time. This morning I hopped on the back of a scooter without a second thought, sought and found a place I'd never been to on only one try, and generally spent my first morning getting more accomplished than I thought possible.

Things are coming together so quickly. This morning, as I came out of my room to get some breakfast, a friend from last year came in from the other room calling my name with a big smile. A quick hug, a hello, and suddenly my biggest anxiety was alleviated - he offered me a place to stay! I am officially not homeless! I'll be staying with him for the entire time in our perfect 2 bed, 2 bath flat. And it has a kitchen! It has no bowls or utensils to really speak of, but it's a kitchen nonetheless and I am a happy girl. It's 2 minutes from the shala, it's big and clean and bright and is going to be fantastic. And now it's eerily calm. I've got nothing really to worry about. How is that even possible? It's the magic of Mysore.

Tomorrow I will register at the shala for my Friday start of practice, Saturday I'll move, but other than that, it feels as though I'm easily settling in - and it's a wonderful feeling. And of course there are things and people that I miss like crazy when I'm here, which makes it so challenging, but once you're here all that reasoning you did before you came just takes up residence in your heart and you don't just know you're following the right path, you feel it, with your whole self.